Aristocracy

Found. A class of execptional recruits. To catch fish? Not so much. The "fishing" algorithm over the years seems to be withering towards economics and NOT catching fish. Yet people come, yet people come. They say 10% of fisherman catch 90% of the fish. The majority of those 90% are rich assholes who have no idea why they're out there in the first place. To be fair, some of them are normal people who just suck.

Who's Eggs?

Found. Donna. In Malawi. Didn't even know she was here. Apparently, she accrues eggs.

We all have to be something

Lost. America's identity. Don't we all wish we could just claim something and actually stick with it. Bi-partisan Congress, I'm looking at you. Big government, small government, increase taxes, lower taxes, stimulus meddling, pro-life, pro-choice. Why do they hide behind mirrors and fill their own heads with smoke into pretending they actually care about you and me? Look to the anteater Congress...don't fake the funk.

Babe?

Found. A blue elk. Mounted. Could Paul Bunyan have turned against his compatriot? And potentially have been a really bad zoologist? And hid out in a Madison apartment for a hundred odd years moonlighting as a taxidermist? Elk does go better with red wine.

Freeze Gopher!!!

Found. The Bill Murray nemesis. A big hitter, the Lama....long. Ok, not really a gopher but let's let this one go for me....I miss Caddyshack so much.

Deeeez Nutzzzz

Found. A squirrel tryin' to get a nut. Who knew they could move your butt to the dance floor? C&C Music Factory, that's who....and this squirrel.

Damn

Lost. My youth. This kid is so happy. He's watching fireworks....in Idaho...in kick-ass pajamas... in his driveway. What happens when we grow old? I thought we were supposed to get smarter.

Monkey See Monkey Climb

Lost. The reach of my monkey. If you're going to rehab a monkey in your home, make sure you can get to him. Its important, like when you have to go to work and your monkey doesn't.

Badger Cat

Found. An animal that will rip another of its kind to shreds but is friendly towards the alma mater. Wolverines and Gophers are forewarned however, don't let the missing leg (not pictured- yes thats a pun people...I think) fool you, this thing can hone in and destroy its enemy in seconds. But he also sleeps a lot and can be catapulted across the room...only to fall asleep in seconds. So stealth is not really an issue for retaliation...

Smokey Pants

Lost. My nerve. This was the 2nd or 3rd bear we saw that day. Three was enough. Yes, I know he's small but mom had to be nearby. And he hissed at me. Hissed. Bears aren't supposed to hiss. You see those teeth? Neither do I, but I know they're there dammit.

tax dollars at work

Lost. Any semblance of intelligence. Approximately 80% (this may be conservative) of road signs in Alaska have at least one bullet hole in them. If said road sign is telling you not to do something, or such an action may bring consequences, well, you can go ahead and multiple that number by 15. Who pays for new road signs again??? (editor's note: check out my funky artwork)

Hooked

Found. The most trite pun of all time. But this guy loves to fish I tell ya. And he is good at it. When he's not catching himself.

Migraine Alert!

Found. Sage advice. My girlfriend took this course to prevent getting her head lopped off by a helicopter. It totally worked. Thanks copter safety man. Plus, I'm glad I'm not dating a 7 foot freak who can't catch her own head. You gotta look it in.

Leggo my ego

Lost. An ego. How refreshing. Anyone willing to be seen in a Mazda convertible has clearly given up. Any bets on whether or not he wears sweatpants to work?

B A N A N A S!

Found. A dude willing to put on a gorilla suit for 3 plus hours, wallow in his own sweat and BO, to be compensated with point-blank cleavage. Let's face it: He's not getting paid for this, and there are a few thousand guys waiting for him to quit. Creepy or genius? Creepy genius.

Rootin' Tootin'

Found. Yosemite Sam hot sauce. It comes a blazin'. At breakfast no less. I don't see any reason to draw, however. Wyatt, Doc, Billy, and the boys are long gone. It's just hot sauce.

Nailed!

Found. Quite possibly the largest hammer in existence. "Duh, Troutslayer", you say, "It's outside the Hammer Museum in Haines, Alaska." "Hammer museum?", I say, "No such thing." To which you reply, "It's taller than a friggin' telephone pole. It's an big MC Hammer." "Hmmm", I say, "Can't touch this!"

In the red

Lost. T-shirt. Eyeballs. Feet. I mean, who brings a blind, shirtless, footless baby on a subway and lets them fumble about unattended? Bad things bound to happen here, you dig?

Let's start with family, shall we?

Lost. Genetics 101. We can't erase our parents. Can we?

What will it take to get you in this car today?

Lost. A lemon. Dammit, so I grabbed a goddamn grapefruit instead. But still, imagine a car, and a lemon, and a lemon in a car. I would have unlimited leverage..and jokes...to play with salesmen/dorks, for trade-in value.