The Gatekeeper

Lost. Then found. This seems to be an ongoing battle between my buddy and his wife as to whether this is appropriate front porch decor. He is patriotic. He looks prepared for the Wisconsin elements. Keep him on the porch for cryin' out loud! God bless America and god bless Lil' Chad!

Roads? Where we're goin, we don't need roads

Found. Jesus. Really. He was just chillin at the park with his ipod and rippin air guitar, so I asked him if he needed a lift. Now he just rides on my dashboard and watches the speed zones for me. Such a nice fellow.

Shirts off!

Lost. This guy's shirt. One might presume that it was warm on this bright and sunny day, but one would be wrong. If you have the shirt, give it back. Please.

I don't read so good

Found on the river today. Clearly, this lovely tree ornament was intended for the Teacher Of The Year but never reached its destination. If you are the Teacher Of The Year, step up and claim your prize. And no Mr. Otis, it isn't you.

I can fix it

Found!!!!!! My Mad Dog 20/20 tool kit. Thank God.

The Vis

Lost. My doggy. Ok, we gave him away when I was in 7th grade because my mom didn't want him shredding the curtains at the new house. So, I stole this one. He is old, howls at shadows on the wall, and likes to wipe his eye snot on my pants in the morning before I go to work but other than that, a damn fine replacement.

Shark!

Found. But more like harpooned. A big fish in the murky depths. By this old dude. He invited me into his hut for a breakfast sandwhich. Then he threw a spear into an icy hole and asked me to pull on the rope attached. He suggested we take the creature home and cut him up into steaks. How can one object to a man who needs a four-pronged stick to get around?

Howdy

Welcome. Please don't hurt me, for I am a delicate flower. Feel free to pollinate and share your own version of life wreckage, baggage, findage, and other trinkets. (note to PETA: look away)